sMiLeS DiE yOuNg...

mary j blige and u2


awesome shit

one


*A*

it's hard starting a new life no matter what!
new apartment new job new hair new path
i love my job because the pay check is gon' be nice....awesome shit!

im make sick ass money...im so awesome!

did someone say conceited? no im just a proud ass bitch... dont hate!

people that talk shit suck! but karma is a fucking bitch and you WILL get what you deserve!

<>"When you see me coming, you better step to the side.Many men did it and many men died!"<>




the wiset man man in the world is the owner of that qoute and its my life motto.

i don't let anyone or anything get in my way or the way of my peers.

thats my word


lets just say i live in miami and what?


anyways...


cigarette break

buh bye now!

whats funny about life is that everyone moves on....

no one stays behind....we all do our thing...

whats funny is that years upon years down the line...all we have is memories of the crazy shit we used to do together...

i have a new best friend...he's everything i have ever wanted...

but i'll never forget walking home with her trying to decide babynames....

i'll never forget prom night....

i'll never forget our own panics at the disco...lol

i'll never forget our jokes about brubeck....

kaffe krystal!.....

after shopping your sister making a show and walking out of the car cause she wanted subway....

bruno yelling at me cause you fed me....

where's my beer?....

"you slut!"....

Da' Grill....

i'm so sad cause i'm going to see you go but i know you'll still remember me too

you were never like evryone else....

but here in my home...you will always have an inflatable bed with your name on it...

fuck everyone else and their petty drama...

come home to me!...

other than my best friend leaving me....my new life is not so new anymore....he and i are a perfect match i was able to get used to him...now i'm just moving to our new apartment....and im officially engaged....yes 3.1 ct diamond....~baby u know im worth it~Alicia Keys....ummm...my hair is short...it looks good but i want my long black hair again....it should be long like that by christmas....my hair always grew real fast...anyways...im bored of this ttyl

*A*

yea...

im back and what!

life is awesome...yea get jealous!



*A*

fuck this shit....dramatic ass people ...i have the shittiest friend...just fucking die already....with your damn twisted fucking bi polar behavior....DRAMA thats all you are...dont fucking sit there and say dumb shit...i hope your happy...being something you dont know how to be....
and what?

last entry guys fuck this journal shit


see the rest of you guys around...

yea well....


he did it...he fucking did it...


he broke my fucking heart...


i wanna fucking die!...


u see...


never take chances...know how deep is his love first....
funny thing is after 5 years i still didnt know...

he said he didnt use me...what a crock!....neither did luis...

fuck love dawg....


i just should die right now....NOW dawg now....fucking die....die!

*A*

30 days.....

i want to to say im thrilled because i've always wanted this....im scared i feel like im starting a new life and im wondering.... whats going to happen to the life i have now?

that subject is tiring my brain..........



he left on wednesday....i miss him like crazy already....its insane how alike we are...it scares me sometimes....then there are these moments when it just all comes together...i love him...i found someone that COMPLETELY calmed me down and made me feel like i am the best at everything i do and he's the only person i have ever known to look at me and hold me and say how beautiful i was with every freckle and every curve...with him i have no limits or complexs....wierd...what funny is that i know i love him because ever since he came back into my life ive changed my opinion on love...he brought this feeling out of me that i have buried for many years since gabriel was gone....

reality always bites me in the ass because now that im leaving i feel like maybe its not the right time for us to be together...the idea of us is amazing but we're not ready...but i know he is who i want to be with...he just has to be there when i get back....hopefully he doesnt hurt me...

i have "the baby shower" tomorrow...an entire day of it....im getting drunk i dont care

die...

im back in the working world....

in an office....oh boy....


but umm yea no sleep in two days....


die im going to bed....


i work from 11am to 8pm dont fucking call me ....

*A*

the fact he is here is unreal to me....

i saw him last night and i know i said i wasnt but i did...

i enjoy listening to jazz with him and talking random things with him....

of course i ended up on my back in a motel in westchester....


i always give in to him because i love him....

damn what am i doing...

i think im going to fail nutrition....


AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!



OK...


die!

*A*

wierd how i know how much ive changed....

later ill make up for it...


make up came out absolutely awesome on monday night...


peace...

my new ship date is AUGUST 30th...


the count down starts.....

my burn is healing very nicely i just think i can wear mini skirts for a while...it kind of looks like a big patch of calious...void the spelling....i got a 98 on my first test...studying is paying off...if only i wouldve thought of this concept in high school i wouldnt have to be selling my ass to pay for Miami Dade College education not that its inferer its just....yea well its no fsu or ucf...lol....

well getting a little more personal...

i wish u could help who u love...cause i hate the fact that u fall for people that dont even know u exsist...this is normal... i know this...im not mentally challenged...he might tell me i love you...but those are just words...i see something else...i see that he doesnt love me as much as ive loved him all these years...ehhh well i'll get over it...

i'm leaving so soon that i dont know how ready i am for it...


first week of august...i can't wait...

i'm so excited yet so motified on how my performance will be...

fuck dude he's coming down to florida for a week the 22 thru the 27...i dont know if i really want to see him...I DO WANT TO SEE HIM....i miss him crazy like and i want him to hold me kiss me and you know the rest....he drives me crazy but i know he doesnt deserve me ...because i feel like im second...if u knew what i was talking about...

ahhhh boys and bootcamp and tests....how am i still sane?!?!?!...


fall into a pit of hungry lions...

yes u...

basically die!

*A*

i have alot of things on my mind...

im tired...i have five tests this week because im stupid....im peeling...im alone...money is tight...i trusted someone and they stabbed me in the back...i feel so ugly...and i was warned that im leaving the first week of august...im fine though im handling myself very well....managing my time well...i just cant work for sure....


as time goes by i realize that my skin gets thicker and thicker...and as horrible a situation may come...im never surprised nor do i breakdown...as if no emotion...wierd


well...die lol

*A*

my heart goes out to my friends tonight...
i'm here for u guys.... even though i didnt know him as well as u but i had love for him because of the love and respect u guys had for eachother and it was easily seen when u guys where around eachother...

love is immortal... love never passes...


r.i.p

im not doing shit!!!!!!!!!!

dont even fucking call me cause i wont pick up....


ding!

*A*

i'm in so much pain my wisdom teeth have been trying to come out for a long time and i have absolutely no room for them and its hurting like crazy....

yesturday they got so swollen that i had a ball on my face and could barely talk....


my dad i giving me antibiotics and pain releivers and made an appt at his dentist to discuss surgery to have them removed....blah...

i'd rather go thru the pain until im in the military cause i have no insurance ...wisdomteeth removal is waaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyy too expensive...

the good thing about it i get to slack at work b/c i cant talk...lol

well...

thats it for now...

*A*

so i walk into a bar and say gimme a drink...

im given the drink....

vodka and tonic...

tell me again why i'm so excited to be turning 21....i mean seriously what for?

lol

9 days nigga

*A*

10 things that i have done in the past month:

mercy called me a lesbian and made me cry
i have cut my hair
i have a new cell phone
i lost weight
had 2 jobs
quit one of them after a week


damn my life has gotten so boring


so yea work today was so fucking interesting
i saw melly
melly was one of my only friends in high school...being that in h/s few people liked me...she was only there for my freshman year and by christmas of my sophmore year i left cause i had no one...that was hard for me...so ummm 6 fucking years later her and her boyfriend drive into the lot with one of my trucks and when her and i made eye contact we flipped...

how random was that....???....

i fuckin miss masciel like whoa cause i have NOONE to talk to...not even to listen to....this week that shes gone im just going to over work myself so i'd forget how much i miss her...its only been 12 hours since i last spoke to her....what the fuck am i doing for 192 hours without her...

christy and masy please hit me ::really really hard:: if i have sex on the first date again...i forgot how ackward you feel after a couple days...i'll explain that later...

i mean that for real....

well i cant think of anything else to say...my mind is kind of cluttered...but im ok...i've been busier...hugh...pathetic

what even worse...im always too tired to masterbate...how bout' them apples?

gay...
*A*

christy and masy thanks for showing an awesome time last night and introducing me to your co-workers....


i love you girls like hell yea!


you guys are effin awesome...


trudat'
*drei*